Why Do I Believe in God
Wave 830
Saturday
The 2nd of September, 2006 at 06:30 PM
A question softly spoken cannot be answered so simply. The answer indescribable with feelings no words could express. I cannot answer this question, but I will try.
I am a catholic. For the first twenty some years of my life I went to a catholic church. I went every Sunday with my parents. Sleep was never sacrificed for church, I used to sleep through most of the 7:30 mass. My parents would always get mad at me; I look back at it now and wonder if it was because they were worried about what other people thought or if it was about me actually missing church. Church essentially was a ritual, an empty ritual. I went through the motions, the chants, and the prayers without any feeling, numb to anything greater than myself and the people around me.
Then something interesting happend, I learned of a new genre of music. Christian it was called, a genre of music focused on praising God and singing about Him. I began listening to this music as if listening through new ears. Familiar words, phrases, and verses which seemed so strange and foreign in the past, sounded so much more interesting, understandable, and believable. I attended a Christian music festival not long after I began listening to this new genre. The festival called Sonshine opened my eyes up to a world I had been missing, a world I had been longing for. A feeling was created there that started to grow in my heart, filling in a space that had been empty for so long.
Later that year I went on a retreat. Steve invited me to go to a place called Story Book Lodge. I don't remember much from the trip anymore except a few isolated things. There was one thing that happend to change the way I feel and the way I think. Up to that point in my life I was questioning alot, I wanted to believe but I just couldn't. Something was holding me back, something inside of me didn't want to give in. I sat in the pew with my head down, music surrounding me, prayers surrounding me, and I felt nothing. Right then it happend, right then my brother came up and knelt beside me and he started to pray. He prayed for me, he prayed for us, and prayed for our grandma. I started to cry.
Everything at that point in my life became such a blur. It was not long after that when I understood the power of prayer. I started to attend a lutheran church, a place that felt comfortable and where my heart felt alive at rest. My perspectives changed. I began to feel warm inside, knowing I was doing what was good and right in His eyes.
And those feelings and that fire grow within me everyday. And when people ask me why do I believe in God, I tell them it is because He filled in a spot within my heart that felt empty. I just want you to know that God cares about you. Even when the world is crashing down, He is watching over you. When you were hurt and when you were crying, He was there too. Sometimes to find him, you have to go through pain. Pain can bring you closer to God. And you may feel like He isn't there because of all the pain, but He is and He loves you. He loves you. I would be wording this hastily if I didn't say something I tell all my close friends. That night, when my brother knelt down beside me, I realized something. I realized that we need each other. God gave his only son to us, knowing we would put him upon the cross, He knew we would put him to death. I'm reminded now of a message pastor Ben gave us and I'm going to close with that.....
"Imagine you are driving down the road with your kid strapped into the backseat of the car. And something distracted you. They dropped something on the floor. They made a little noise like kids sometimes do. And you're driving down the road and your attention is distracted for a split second. And in that time, what you didn't know, was that a 14 year old kid had stolen a car, was driving down the other side of the road and had lost control of the vehicle. And when you looked up, you saw that car plow right into yours. Picture that. And picture with me as hard as this is that you survived... you woke up in the hospital three days later to find that you survived but your children did not. Can you just imagine how you would feel about that 14 year old kid in the car? I would be furious. Wouldn't you? Furious. That's the closest thing mentally that I can get to thinking what an enemy and hatred would be like. Now imagine if you found out that this child had no parents. You found out he was a homeless 14 year kid and that nobody cared about him or wanted him. And imagine that somehow you found it in your heart to adopt that 14 year old boy into your family after he had driven off the road and killed your own children. Would you do it? Would you? Are you awake? K. I don't know if I could. But when God says, "I put my name on you." You are my enemy, now you are my child. It is the same scenario. Where he has adopted us into his family, at the cost of his son, and put his name, on us. Do you understand how powerful that is. And with that name comes forgiveness...."
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