One Step Behind
Wave 816
Thursday
The 1st of June, 2006 at 10:09 PM
Life is a dance. I've been dancing for 24 years, and I've always been one step behind. Always one turn, one spin, one hesitation behind where I'm supposed to be. Sometimes I feel I'm so far behind that I'm tripping on my own shoes or somebody else's.
I wrote a poem once about the only girl who kept the song going. I danced with her for a whole summer. It didn't really feel like perfection, but how would I know what perfection is anyways?
I have spent the last five years thinking about that dance. Not everyday mind you, but enough to drive my confidence off the floor. I've tried picking it up again, but I never could quite jump in. Almost like the pace has quickened and the patterns have changed. And here I am, stumbling to learn the steps all over.
Almost a year has passed now since I've asked to dance with someone else. She liked me for awhile, but I was learning too slow. I couldn't keep up and we fell apart. I practice new moves every night just hoping she will give me another chance, one last dance I probably don't deserve or really want.
Maybe I haven't found my true partner yet. Maybe I need to look for someone as clumsy as I am. I just know that I am tired. I am tired of searching for her and I'm not getting any younger. I just want to dance.
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