Cold

A ripple for every moment

Frigid sky scattered here and there. Shadows watch mountains who are not easily scared. Snowflakes fall as time stands still, while sun's warmth trembles under the treacherous chill. Depths run thin as the ice grows, and blue meets white in the blue shallow. Everything covered perfectly in a blanket, one that is cold and doesn't need to fake it.

Journal Tags

This journal entry has been tagged with:

• Fishing
• Fishing Opener
• The Past
• Fortune Cookie
• Relationships
• Sexual Misconduct
• Sin
• Church
• Judgement

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Remember how to ride a bike? Sometimes it is years since the last time you rode a bike, but you never forget. That is exactly how I feel about fishing. I have fished practically my whole life and know all the different forms and styles, but I do it so infrequently and sporadically that I feel like I should forget. I feel like I should lose my knack, but I don't. As the tension builds on my line and bends my rod down to the water, I unconsciously but gracefully slash the rod back into the air and pierce the hook into my opponent. Victory.

The storm clouds and rain had their way while I had my way with the fish today. I caught 13 walleyes. My dad caught 9. Among the fish I caught I had a 6.5#, 6.1#, 4.3#, and 4.1#. Pretty good despite past years on this dreary lake, the six pounders are almost trophy fish. I had a good time. I found out later that I might win a substantial amount of money ($160) for what I accomplished but it would only be given away to my dad for the hotel charges. This did not make me very happy.

Getting dressed up is always fun. I know that sounds stupid, but putting on all those old layers of clothes from the past can drive you down some old roads. I reached into one of my old jacket pockets to pull out a fortune that read, "Much can be accomplished by being direct." Just reading that made me think of all the times I wish I had been direct. Like everytime Melissa smiled, I should have told her how beautiful she was and that I wanted to kiss her. Or everytime I hung out with Nikki, I spent more time beating around the bush when all I really should have said was, "I like you." Even with Jill, all the times when I was upset  but I never elected the chance to smooth things out. And with everytime someone hurt me, I crawled up inside of my shell instead of letting them know they were smashing me in it. All those times when honesty should have met simplicity, those were the times when just a few words count. Yet, we live and we learn, we can't live in the past.

We can't live without motivation either. I attended a Catholic Church for the first time since Easter up north here in Garrison. Everything felt so mechanical, so memorized. Half-way through the mass I found myself gazing up at the ceiling mesmerized by a fluorescent light. I felt as if it were the only thing in the room with any energy running through it. Half-dazed as the mass came to an end, an usual announcement was made about a list of sexual misconduct offenders in the general area. One happened to be the father of the church, sitting right there in front of us. I looked at him and felt no unkindness. Like Pastor Ben has said time and time again, how can we weigh one sin over another? We can't. We are all sinners and only God has the right to judge, not us to ourselves. I felt empathetic for this man standing in front of us, I couldn't even fathom what he must feel. And I know, he will find forgiveness through God.

I haven't much more to say as this dreary saturday has come to a close. I am afraid that I may get wet again tomorrow even though we have caught our limit of fish. My dad is money hungry in this family competition whereas my place in it is nearly set. I rather sleep, but we shall see what the clouds should bring our way tomorrow. Hopefully... rain.

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