Cold

A ripple for every moment

Frigid sky scattered here and there. Shadows watch mountains who are not easily scared. Snowflakes fall as time stands still, while sun's warmth trembles under the treacherous chill. Depths run thin as the ice grows, and blue meets white in the blue shallow. Everything covered perfectly in a blanket, one that is cold and doesn't need to fake it.

Journal Tags

This journal entry has been tagged with:

• Monophobia
• Caribou Question
• Phone
• Jill
• Melissa
• Friends
• Grandma
• Grandparents
• Caribou

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The Caribou trivia question is almost always a daily stumper, but not tonight. As I walked in and looked up at that board, I read the chalky green writing, "Monophobia is the fear of what?" I had no idea. Fear of the number 1, fear of mono sound? I let some other kid go ahead of me as I thought to myself. I made up my mind and walked up to the register to get my turtle mocha.

I've become rather attached to my phone. Everyday I make phone calls to a variety of people just to talk. Almost as if all my social life came out of my phone in a mono manner. Sometimes I feel so detached and lost, I feel that is my fault above all. I really don't talk to anyone online anymore, almost all of my meaningful conversations over a wireless network with a finite number of minutes. Hopefully things will change, I think I'm ready for change.

Come to think of it, most of my social life lies in a place which should be strictly professional. My best friend will be leaving this place at the end of the year to pursue academic endeavors. I am proud of her for finding something that makes her happy. However, with her leaving I feel we will be rather disconnected. Friendships are hard when you don't see each other often. This is primarily the reason why Chris and I don't talk much anymore, although I still consider him one of my good friends. When Jill "replaced" Chris, it wasn't because he was any less of a friend, it was because she was close (proximity wise). She was just... here. Now she won't be and hopefully that won't change anything.

Melissa claims to be leaving also before fall semester begins. She plans to focus more on her schooling and won't have time for work. Even though we have grown apart and she still doesn't fully trust me, she still remains one of the people I talk with on a more consistent basis. At times, we are almost closer than we were when we were together. However, I know she will probably never reconsider... me. I'm ok with that. I'm just glad we still are friends.

Then there is Matt, Shayla, Robin, Katie, Chris and everyone else I've come to love and enjoy seeing at work. Time will be bringing change, and change is hard. Things will be alright, people come and people go, friendships begin and they end. I just know that my work, is almost like my second home. I feel comfortable there and love stopping by.

My grandma is in the hospital again tonight. This morning she went out with some friends and one of them happened to tell a story of a woman who died of cancer. This made my grandma's stomach uneasy and she went home. I visited her this morning after leaving work. I gave her and my grandpa a pep-talk, always a two-edged knife when something goes wrong. I hope and pray she will be alright.

I put 20 dollars on my card and I looked at the girl behind the counter, "a turtle mocha please." As she pushed buttons, a self-realization escaped my lips as 10 cents slid off my bill, "Is it the fear of being alone?"

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