Eventful Sadness
Wave 515
Monday
The 1st of November, 2004 at 04:51 PM
It has been awhile since the last time I've been here. Usually I'm good about keeping regular updates, but I've been busy. For sake of clarity and meaning, I will just talk about the major points of the weekend. I know I left you on wednesday so I will start there I guess.
Let's start on a humerous aside to release the tension. That way at the end of this paragraph, you will understand the logic for including it. We worked with cows again on thursday. We had to do physical exams. They are very arrogant animals, I can't stand them. I just can't. They are the most dirty beasts to walk the planet. Regardless, we did all of our things which included a rectal examination. That's right, a rectal examination. I had my arm all the way up a cow's anus (to my shoulder) feeling around for organs. Maybe that isn't very funny, but it sure is gross.
As you may already know, quite a few of my relatives were back this weekend. Uncle Adam has been back for quite sometime and we had dinner with his thursday night. We had delightful stories to tell and hear. It was pleasurable. Friday my aunt Susy, my aunt Vikki, my uncle Bob, and my cousins Melissa, Erin and Kelly came to town. We ate dinner at my grandparents house and visited with Susy, we had our catching up and our laughs. And then I waited for the rest to come home around 11 o' clock. I hadn't see all my cousins together in quite a long time. There was some general discussion but everyone pretty much went to bed due to fatigue.
Saturday was my grandma's funeral. It was harder than I thought it would be. I thought it was going to be closed casket, but apparently it was to be open for the immediate family. I saw all of my family members burdened with tears after approaching her. It was depressing. Matt Pett and Leah came for support and I can't thank them enough for that. It was weird, to see everyone together, without her.
I was a pall-bearer for the funeral. This basically means I had to help carry the coffin. I was uneasy about it but did better than I thought I would. Apparently seeing the young grandchildren carry the coffin was too much for some people.
The funeral ceremony was beautiful. It was everything grandma would have wished it to be. Members of my parish's music ministry played the music. It was perfect. Everything felt surreal.
It was raining when we arrived at the burial site. It was the last time I had to say goodbye to my grandma. It was hard.
There was a free luncheon, most everyone joined, and spoke of current life. Alot of us were way out-of-date with each other. It had been such a long time since the last family gathering. I enjoyed the time I was able to spend with my family.
Afterwards we went over to grandma's house to talk about things. That was a little much. To be in her house without her there. She was like the "common link" to the whole family, without her I feel so unconnected.
That night we had a good portion of the family over at our house for dinner. It was a nice gathering. Everyone had a good time, shared experiences, had some laughs. It definitely lifted the mood from earlier afternoon.
I found out my cousin, Joey, is marrying Aurora in January. I didn't know when they were getting married but I knew they were. It seemed so short notice. I overheard that Aurora was pregnant. I began to wonder if they were rushing marriage because of the pregnancy and if they really wanted to get married. I wonder. Regardless, it would be weird to have my younger cousin being married and having a son.
Sunday was halloween, I included pictures of the pumpkins I carved below. I spent the majority of the morning saying goodbye to the relatives. I spent the afternoon painting at work with Matt. I saw Jill over there for the first time since the accident. She seemed not together. She still didn't seem altogether today when I saw her. She thinks about the accident too much. I still pray she will get through this, and that Mark will be strong and help her along her way.
Sunday night I spent watching a movie with Maria. I typically spend the night watching a scary movie by myself. I decided against that this year, and decided to spend time with a good friend. It was a good evening.
I woke up this morning with a deep chest cough. I think I may be getting pneumonia again. I'm not sure though. I went to the health center on campus for a Strep Test and found it was negative. I didn't feel like going to a doctor anymore today so I just went from my one class to work (I skipped my other class). At work I talked with Jill a bit about everything. I did some printing for the calendars. Bothered Leah. You know, the same old. I came home here to type to all of you. And that's it.
I've already talked about my feelings for my grandma. The hardest parts about losing her, was the wake and visiting her house. Seeing all my strong family reduced to tears at the wake, and having a queasy feeling due to her absence at her house was all too much for me. But one of the easiest parts about losing her, was not losing her. Even though she won't be coming out of that kitchen anymore saying goodbye, she will still be in my heart saying hello. That makes me sad but it also makes me strong. I didn't see my grandma in that casket, I saw an empty shell. She was in all of us in that room, in our hearts and in our souls. We won't forget her. I won't forget her. I love her and I always will.
I hope everyone who is reading this today will appreciate who they know, who they have, and who they love. It isn't too often that we find ourselves in someone else's eyes with such warmth, such care, such love. So if you haven't done it already today, thank you parents for being there, thank your grandparents, thank your friends. Sometimes we forget about these people. These people that think the world of us. So don't forget them, just don't, because in the end, I assure you, they won't forget you.
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